In the wake of the Sarah Everard Tragedy and subsequent failings to ‘keep women safe’, I thought that I would write something about the way in which some ‘Men’ are currently being ‘demonised’ (and some may say, rightly so) within the media. Whilst this is quite depressing and demoralising, I would also like to offer some hope and optimism to both men and women, particularly at this time; whilst we as human beings try to find ways to ‘get along’ better with each other!
Men will do well to remember that women are not to have their personal space invaded, to be followed or stalked, or have ‘snide’ remarks made about them by ‘the lads’.
They are not to be ogled, wolf-whistled, have sexual innuendo or discriminatory remarks normalised, nor be sexual objects.
Men should also come to the realisation that when women attend work, and they have clearly ‘made an effort’, it is their choice as to whose attention they may be seeking (if indeed they are seeking any) and are not to be perceived as fair game!
In sum, women are not here for men!
When men contact us particularly about Relationship Support, the first thing that we emphasise and establish is a baseline of ‘RESPECT’ for women.
All women want to feel comfortable and safe, most of the people that we work with contrary to the negatively held perceptions, do like women, but sometimes lack the confidence to approach someone.
What a lot of people fail to appreciate is that for some people it takes a lot of courage and bravery to approach someone who you have never met before – and I do not mean whilst they are being assisted and fuelled by alcohol or other substances. That doesn’t count! This emanates from feelings of fear and rejection and the barriers which may impede one’s progress in this area. I will say a bit more about this at a later date.
To clarify this point further, what I am talking about here is the ability to have a really meaningful conversation, to really ‘get to know someone’, can be really challenging. Knowing someone well enough to try to discuss the possibility of entering a relationship can be incredibly stressful and take a lot of time and effort.
Some initial thoughts from males tend to go along the lines of – “she’s physically attractive”, which are sometimes thoughts expressed and shared by women. We go further and explore thinking beyond the initial physical attraction, by asking … then what?
We guide, support, and coach you through the process and potential directions and forms that this could take.
We ask, ‘Who are you’? We use a specialised questionnaire, to extrapolate the information. Here, we ask for 100% honesty as it is important to be genuine and true to yourself, your personality, and your spirit.
We ask, ‘How do you see yourself with this ‘mythical’ person? (beyond the morning).
We offer some Top Tips to help you to ‘Break the ice’, to confidently initiate some meaningful contact, in a non-threatening way.
We will rehearse and practice to develop your unique style, as something we are keen to engender and emphasise at People-Progress is – ‘Don’t say it if you don’t mean it!’
As part of our sessions, we also teach lessons on the importance of being courteous and polite and the critical significance of displaying good manners.
We also undertake practice in ‘Opening Talk’ Techniques, which emphasise nothing contentious nor too challenging, but equally nothing about ‘war and peace’ or anything controversial. Remember that your prospective partner, maybe working hard from Monday to Friday in a stressful, highly pressurised role, as well as reconciling and balancing family/ household commitments too.
It is better to explore these issues in an environment that allows for safe solutions-based focus and the opportunity to develop, practice, refine or re-align thoughts, should they be required.
We also explore strategies for managing and learning to come to terms with ‘Moving on’ from the ending of a relationship.
The fundamentals of a good relationship are characterised by two people investing and committing to becoming a couple. From the male perspective, like the line from the Percy Sledge song says, “Take time to know her, it’s not an overnight thing”.
We feel that It is important that men and women continue to have dialogue and ‘work together’ to discuss matters of a personal nature and feelings in an ‘honest’ and open manner, which educates both men and women. Sometimes we would do well to remember that this is not about ‘men versus women’ as men are very much part of the solution too!
Will speak to you soon.